Halloween is almost here, with all the faux horror it brings.
Those of us who share our lives with dogs are not easily frightened.

You can’t terrorize us with plastic masks.
We live with things that go bump (among other less appealing noises) in the night.

If you want to scare us - you need to understand the things we really fear.
Be prepared to shield your eyes from the terror!

 

IMAGES THAT MAKE THE FLESH CRAWL
 

New carpeting

Loosely woven cotton blankets

Freshly planted grass seed

Newly mopped kitchen floors

White pants on a rainy day

A fresh pair of pantyhose

Light upholstery

The perfect shoes

Wool flannel clothing

Black toenails

Hand knit sweaters (made by relatives now deceased)

A long tailed dog…a hot summer day …a portable fan



THE SOUND OF HORROR


The Gurgling Intestines
(nothing good ever comes from squeaky dog innards)

The Sloshing Stomach
(we know it well...sounds like you're plunging a toilet...vomit approaches)

The Silence of the Puppies
(a quiet puppy is a puppy eating something you paid a lot of money for)

The Litany of the Vet
("today was $50.00 for the office call, $50.00 for the vaccine, $30.00 for medication...")

The Yellow Rain
(dog owners can hear urine hit carpeting even in REM sleep)


PHRASES TO INDUCE MADNESS

VET BILLS

The neighbor’s cat is missing…

Pardon me, but there are pig parts on your bed.

What’s that in his mouth?

Sorry, your insurance policy does not cover damage done by dogs.

What’s that smell?

He just threw up a worm!

This is the vet’s answering service…

I think his anal gland needs to be cleaned.

Well, the trim is not exactly what you asked for…

Little Billy poked a stick at your dog and was bitten for no reason at all!

Puppy Mills

Pet Shop Puppies

We’re moving so we can’t keep the dog.

We just had a baby so we're getting rid of the dog.

The gate was open.

But it’s only a dog…
 



Copyright 1997 Elizabeth Cusulas
Tale Waggers - Stories for Dog People
www.talewaggers.com
All Rights Reserved.
Reproduction without written permission is expressly forbidden.