Tale Waggers - Dear Santa

It's the same old story...
we all have dreams,

and they say Christmas
is a time when wishes come true.

So, here goes...

Dear Santa,

Hey Santa, help me out here.
Sorry I havenít written to you before.
Guess Iíve been saving up.
Well, this year Iíve got a big list, but Iíve been good.
All I want for Christmas isÖ

One self cleaning kitchen floor.
(Push a button and a shiny new surface emerges - minus pawprints)

Carpeting that doesnít bear the scars of the recent housebreaking war.

Dogsafe pantyhose.
Iíd like to get out the door without screaming "off, off, PANYTHOSE!!!"

A cold Winter followed by a dry Spring
Please Santa, no more mud!!!

An end to rawhide fights.
How can I use the stuff as a cheap doggie babysitter if they are noisier WITH rawhide than without?

Considerate dog owners who leash their pets
So I can move freely about the neighborhood with the furkids without being circled by yapping small dogs or menaced by ominously large dogs of unknown character.

An automatic Cocker ear detangler
With a special Booda Bone setting.

Doggie sweaters that fit.
That do not "grow" once on the dog covering tails and creating major irritation or shrink causing the poor dogs to look like sausages ready to pop.

An uninterrupted nightís sleep.
One without the puppy sobbing to get up at 4AM to play, or the old dogís bladder giving out at 2AM or the young dog returning something she ate at 5AM.

A full time "yard guard"
To fill holes, scoop poop, repair dog damage, keep order and gather up the soft toys left outside and scrape off the earthworms before they come back into the house.

A seamstress
To mend all the disemboweled dog toys piling up in the closet awaiting repair.

A lifetime supply of free vet care
(or at least some sort of "frequent flier" discount)

Massive acts of love, kindness and sanity.
I want everyone who loves dogs to do something nice for a local shelter or rescue. Take in treats or food, volunteer to walk a dog, cuddle a puppy - whatever. All pet owners to spay or neuter their pets so overworked shelter staffs can concentrate on the millions of homeless pets already in need. I want every lost pet to find their way home. I want every abused, neglected or abandoned pet to find a loving new home.

Oh, I know itís a tall order Santa, but they say miracles happen at Christmastime...

Oh, and could you please send an elf to take Duncan to puppy schoolÖ


Dear Santa,

I fell asleep at the vetís office the other day and woke up missing some body bits. There is a nice bit of black string where they were, but I would really like them back. All I remember is hearing something about "being neuÖ" and then itís all a blank till I woke up with this massive hangover. I havenít been good, but Iím a puppy so no one expects me to be!

Please SantaÖ

wistfully yours,



OK, you fat worthless male creature, I want my piggy toys back! Mama swiped them and mumbled something about "mending them" but the worthless woman has not returned them! If you return them, I will make sweet, coy eyes at you and allow you to stroke my belly. If not, Iíll bite your insignificant male rump and show you the door.

I've already ripped the squeaker out of my latex Santa toy - you don't want to be next...

Choose wiselyÖ Iím only good when it suits me.


Dear Santa,

Iíd like to take this opportunity to thank you for all the treats and rawhide youíve tossed my way all these years and remind you that Iím still alive and kicking and in need of edible goodies. Competition for goodies is tough in this house so please bring lots and lots so I have a fighting chance. Soft treats are best for my old jaws. The smellier the better.

I would also like a doggie hearing aide. A fellow can't get away with anything when his hearing isn't up to snuff. I would not need to bother you for treats if I could just make selections from the refrigerator as I was once able to do - back when I could hear them coming...

Iíve never been good but you havenít held it against me in the past, so I am hopeful once again!

Kindest regards. Please hurry, I'm starving here.



Please make her stop writing about me. God knows what she'll blurt out next. What embarrassing details of our life will she share with the world in a future "tale"? It's simply got to stop.

You're my last chance. I just hope this letter gets through. If the females catch me writing this, I'm toast!



Copyright 1998 Elizabeth Cusulas
Tale Waggers - Stories for Dog People
All Rights Reserved
Reproduction without written permission is expressly forbidden