|It's the same old story...
we all have dreams,
and they say Christmas
Hey Santa, help me out here.
One self cleaning kitchen floor.
A cold Winter followed by a dry Spring
An end to rawhide fights.
Considerate dog owners who leash their pets
An automatic Cocker ear detangler
Doggie sweaters that fit.
An uninterrupted nightís sleep.
A full time "yard guard"
A lifetime supply of free vet care
Oh, I know itís a tall order Santa, but they say miracles happen at Christmastime...
Oh, and could you please send an elf to take Duncan to puppy schoolÖ
I fell asleep at the vetís office the other day and woke up missing some body bits. There is a nice bit of black string where they were, but I would really like them back. All I remember is hearing something about "being neuÖ" and then itís all a blank till I woke up with this massive hangover. I havenít been good, but Iím a puppy so no one expects me to be!
OK, you fat worthless male creature, I want my piggy toys back! Mama swiped them and mumbled something about "mending them" but the worthless woman has not returned them! If you return them, I will make sweet, coy eyes at you and allow you to stroke my belly. If not, Iíll bite your insignificant male rump and show you the door.
I've already ripped the squeaker out of my latex Santa toy - you don't want to be next...
Choose wiselyÖ Iím only good when it suits me.
Iíd like to take this opportunity to thank you for all the treats and rawhide youíve tossed my way all these years and remind you that Iím still alive and kicking and in need of edible goodies. Competition for goodies is tough in this house so please bring lots and lots so I have a fighting chance. Soft treats are best for my old jaws. The smellier the better.
I would also like a doggie hearing aide. A fellow can't get away with anything when his hearing isn't up to snuff. I would not need to bother you for treats if I could just make selections from the refrigerator as I was once able to do - back when I could hear them coming...
Iíve never been good but you havenít held it against me in the past, so I am hopeful once again!
Kindest regards. Please hurry, I'm starving here.
Please make her stop writing about me. God knows what she'll blurt out next. What embarrassing details of our life will she share with the world in a future "tale"? It's simply got to stop.
You're my last chance. I just hope this letter gets through. If the females catch me writing this, I'm toast!
HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO YOU AND YOURS! (from me and mine)
Copyright 1998 Elizabeth Cusulas
Tale Waggers - Stories for Dog People
All Rights Reserved
Reproduction without written permission is expressly forbidden