Hey Santa, help me out here.
Sorry I haven’t written to you before.
Guess I’ve been saving up.
Well, this year I’ve got a big list, but I’ve been good.
All I want for Christmas is…

One self cleaning kitchen floor.
(Push a button and a shiny new surface emerges - minus pawprints)

Carpeting that doesn’t bear the scars of the recent housebreaking war.

Dogsafe pantyhose.
I’d like to get out the door without screaming "off, off, PANYTHOSE!!!"

A cold Winter followed by a dry Spring
Please Santa, no more mud!!!

An end to rawhide fights.
How can I use the stuff as a cheap doggie babysitter if they are noisier WITH rawhide than without?

Considerate dog owners who leash their pets
So I can move freely about the neighborhood with the furkids without being circled by yapping small dogs or menaced by ominously large dogs of unknown character.

An automatic Cocker ear detangler
With a special Booda Bone setting.

Doggie sweaters that fit.
That do not "grow" once on the dog covering tails and creating major irritation or shrink causing the poor dogs to look like sausages ready to pop.

An uninterrupted night’s sleep.
One without the puppy sobbing to get up at 4AM to play, or the old dog’s bladder giving out at 2AM or the young dog returning something she ate at 5AM.

A full time "yard guard"
To fill holes, scoop poop, repair dog damage, keep order and gather up the soft toys left outside and scrape off the earthworms before they come back into the house.

A seamstress
To mend all the disemboweled dog toys piling up in the closet awaiting repair.

A lifetime supply of free vet care
(or at least some sort of "frequent flier" discount)

Massive acts of love, kindness and sanity.
I want everyone who loves dogs to do something nice for a local shelter or rescue. Take in treats or food, volunteer to walk a dog, cuddle a puppy - whatever. All pet owners to spay or neuter their pets so overworked shelter staffs can concentrate on the millions of homeless pets already in need. I want every lost pet to find their way home. I want every abused, neglected or abandoned pet to find a loving new home.

Oh, I know it’s a tall order Santa, but they say miracles happen at Christmastime...

Oh, and could you please send an elf to take Duncan to puppy school…

dogmama

I fell asleep at the vet’s office the other day and woke up missing some body bits. There is a nice bit of black string where they were, but I would really like them back. All I remember is hearing something about "being neu…" and then it’s all a blank till I woke up with this massive hangover. I haven’t been good, but I’m a puppy so no one expects me to be!

Please Santa…

wistfully yours,

Duncan

OK, you fat worthless male creature, I want my piggy toys back! Mama swiped them and mumbled something about "mending them" but the worthless woman has not returned them! If you return them, I will make sweet, coy eyes at you and allow you to stroke my belly. If not, I’ll bite your insignificant male rump and show you the door.

I've already ripped the squeaker out of my latex Santa toy - you don't want to be next...

Choose wisely… I’m only good when it suits me.

Emma

I’d like to take this opportunity to thank you for all the treats and rawhide you’ve tossed my way all these years and remind you that I’m still alive and kicking and in need of edible goodies. Competition for goodies is tough in this house so please bring lots and lots so I have a fighting chance. Soft treats are best for my old jaws. The smellier the better.

I would also like a doggie hearing aide. A fellow can't get away with anything when his hearing isn't up to snuff. I would not need to bother you for treats if I could just make selections from the refrigerator as I was once able to do - back when I could hear them coming...

I’ve never been good but you haven’t held it against me in the past, so I am hopeful once again!

Kindest regards. Please hurry, I'm starving here.

Arthur

Please make her stop writing about me. God knows what she'll blurt out next. What embarrassing details of our life will she share with the world in a future "tale"? It's simply got to stop.

You're my last chance. I just hope this letter gets through. If the females catch me writing this, I'm toast!

dogpapa