The first thing you discover when you bring a dog onto your bed is the striking difference in weight between an alert, awake dog and a dog at rest.
Rule Number One: The deeper the sleep the heavier the dog.
As you cling to the edge of the bed, wishing you had covers, your sweet
pup begins to snore at a volume you would not have thought possible. Once
that quiets down, the dog dreams begin. Yipping, growling, running, kicking.
Your bed becomes a battlefield and playground of canine fantasy. Arthur,
king of the dog dream, had a particularly annoying, recurring dream. It
started out with a bit of "sleep running", lots of eye movement
and then, suddenly, a shrieking howl blasted through the night like a banshee
wail. The horror of this wake-up call haunted us for years. It was particularly
devastating during the years Arthur insisted on sleeping curled around
our heads like a demented Daniel Boone cap. Fortunately, he has outlived
The night creeps on and you fall asleep in the 3 inches of bed not claimed
by a dog. The dog dreams quiet slightly and the heap of dogflesh sleeps
- breathing heavily and passing wind. Then, too soon, it's dawn and the
heap stirs. Each dog has a distinctive and unpleasant method of waking
the pack. Earnest, our little gentleman, positioned himself centimeters
from a face and stared until we woke. Arthur, the clever dog, obtains excellent
results by simply sneezing on our faces. Tristan, our happy boy, found
a romp over our sleeping bodies an invigorating way to start the day. Emma,
our little princess, favors a inserting a tongue in an unsuspecting ear.
So, why do we put up with this?